We might not know when it will be, or how much longer we have to stay at home or even if all the restrictions will ever lift completely, but there are some things that are guaranteed in good old Newcastle when lockdown and social distancing finally come to an end.

We’ll get a fortnight of rain

We’ll enjoy one day back in the office to see everyone then go back to wishing the commute was a walk to the living room

The queue for Greggs will be round the block, and we will wait in it saying ‘aye well, unprecedented times’

The traffic lights will change four times at Haymarket to get in the multi-storey and you still won’t move

Pubs will make up their losses in one night. Here’s all the ones with outdoor terraces, let’s hope we get to enjoy them at some point this summer.

McDonald’s drive thru queue will block the bottom entrance to Silverlink causing tailbacks to the Coast Road, which we will also sit in, and the ice cream machine still won’t work

Nobody will walk anywhere 

Mike Ashley still won’t have sold Newcastle United (praying Im wrong)

There will be no appointments available at your barbers or hairdressers for 6 weeks

Everyone will hug their mam

Delivery time for a Chinese takeaway will be over 2 hours 

Sam Fender will still continue to cancel all his gigs

Emotions will run high the first time we see the quayside, Tyne Bridge and Angel Of The North

Sponsorship forms for the GNR will appear all over Facebook…(if it goes ahead)

Your friends still won’t all be free at the same time

All you’ll hear on every high street will be choruses of ‘Eeee hiya!’

All the plastic screens in supermarkets for staff protection will have to be sent back to their usual permanent residence at Byker Morrison’s

The first weekend of freedom everyone in the world will come to Whitley Bay Spanish City or Tynemouth longsands

You’ll have to drive round Tynemouth Front Street car park for four hours to get a spot

Instead of stockpiling toilet roll and pasta you won’t be able to get your hands on fake tan, false eyelashes or All Saints mens T shirts

The metro will still be operating at a reduced service, apologies for any inconvenience caused

Town will look like it does after Ladies Day, burnt bald heads and girls carrying their shoes with feet like pork joints

Nobody will make ‘the last metro home’

There’ll be a rogue Deliveroo bag by the side of the road on the Central Motorway

There will still be no toilet roll in the girls loos, of any bar

Nandos will need a couple of bouncers

Good luck getting a reservation at Miller & Carter anytime this year

There’ll be a splattered kebab with garlic sauce on the roundabout at the bottom of Dean Street with someone yelling at their lad to hurry up in the corner shop cause the taxi’s there

Uber surcharge will be x1.9

You’ll get shit on by the seagulls under the Tyne Bridge

There’ll be an accident on the Coast Road first day back to work with at least one lane closed both directions

There will be someone in a Sunderland shirt at the airport catching the first flight to Benidorm

‘Ah’ve neva been so happy to hear Jess Glynn’

Lips will be filled, brows will be defined, and lashes will be extended

Stag and hen dos will once more pose by the statue opposite Central Station

‘Out out’ will be trending 

We’ll pop into Stack for one and still be there five hours later..

Nothing will ever taste as good as that first pint at your local 

Until this time, stay safe and stay home! If you’d like some escapism during lockdown follow my instagram here, I share travel and Newcastle photos every day.

Other posts you might like:

121 realistic things to do on lockdown

How to pull yourself out of a lockdown low